On paper, we are poor. Actually, beyond poor. And by paper, I mean all quantifiable measurements like the Federal poverty guidelines, assets versus debt ratio, last year’s tax returns, and the government which provides our family of 6 with Medicaid health benefits and food stamps.
Every time I find the difference between what we have, and what we need to physically provide for our family, the resulting negative numbers feed my 7th fear of being poor forever.
Four years ago, we were rich on paper. Our gross household income was among the top 10% of Americans. My husband was the sole breadwinner, and I stayed home full time with our triplets, and newborn. We had a spacious new home, filled with expensive things, and disposable income to pay for new clothes, gifts, and dinners at restaurants. I didn’t think we were rich. I thought we were poor.
There was a stark difference in my perception versus reality. Though our financial situation has drastically shifted over the past few years. I continue to ask myself the same questions.
How much is enough? How much will it take to be satisfied with what I have? If I continue to feed The Want, why is it never satisfied?
Personal fulfillment is peppered with If – Then conditional statements.
If we get that next bonus check Then, I’ll be more relaxed.
If we could afford to give our children _____ like ____ give their kids, Then, I’ll be happy.
If I could…If she could… If he could…
Then, will it be enough?
When I quantify my personal peace and happiness with false logic, it is bound to leave me feeling empty. True peace is not anchored to physical objects, achievement, or other people. It comes from within.
Nothing is never enough.
Something is always enough.
When I say that I’m afraid of being poor forever, it’s only part of the truth. I am afraid of living with abundance, again, and not feeling like I have enough. I am afraid of The Want consuming me and my personal peace. I desire to feel rich regardless of my financial status on paper. I want to believe that who I am and what I have are enough.
I look forward ton a future when I am able to contribute to social services instead of being an end user. I will welcome the freedom from remarks of conveyor-belt-assessing strangers about which items I purchase with my food stamp card.
I anticipate days when I’m not calculating which utility bill will need to wait based upon the chronological order disconnect dates.
I’m not going to waste time waiting until Then to be grateful or at peace. I am working today on appreciating that what I have is enough. I am rich. I have enough. I am enough.My happiness is not determined by my possessions being greater than, less than or equal to yours.
My wealth is in recognizing that the ability to find peace and joy in life can only be determined by me.
Genealogy Jen’s Challenge of the Week – Gratitude comes from giving. Spend at least one hour this week serving someone in need.
Bonus points- Choose someone who doesn’t look like a hot mess, because they’re pulled together on the outside. Those people probably need your help more. True story.
Nicely written, Jen. I’d guess many would relate to what you’ve written. I certainly do. Staying home and writing is great in the process, but the reality is we’re living on one person’s income and that person is an adjunct, like so many of the other adjuncts that colleges prefer. But I’m with you. We are both content with our lives. And we’ll (as in the grand we, meaning most of us, will get through this.
First of all, thanks very much, Jen, for liking one of my comments in wp network and in the process connecting me to your enriched life of a sagacious homemaker gifted with a mind gainfully engrossed in edifying thoughts, which is what richness is all about, and not the scale of material possessions and creature comforts. Enjoy your life filling as much as you can into each of those 86400 seconds of diurnal and nocturnal cycles we call days, containing as it does all fulfillment and richness we can hope for….best wishes…Raj.
Thank you for following my blog Raj, and for your beautiful comment. Happiness and peace is a conscious decision. It can be difficult to quiet the external and internal noise and focus on what really matters, and what has lasting value.
Thank you for this beautifully written post. I especially love your quotes: “My happiness is not determined by my possessions being greater than, less than or equal to yours. My wealth is in recognizing that the ability to find peace and joy in life can only be determined by me.” This sums up the wisdom of life that all people should live by.
So awesome!